Death of my other blog

So, the time has come to finally kill off my other blog. Why? This one is only barely alive as it is, since I only post once every 6 months or so. My other blog, The MacGuffin Report, was intened to be about serious issues, and this one was supposed to be fun stuff. In the end, however, since I do post so infrequently, it seems that keeping both alive makes little sense. As a result, when I do feel the need to rant on a serious issue (and there's a doozy coming!) I'll just do it here. RIP, The MacGuffin Report. We hardly knew ye.

My college football realignment plan

So, once again the ESPN shows are talking about a major shuffle in college football. There's talk of both the Big Ten and the Pac-10 boosting their membership up to 12, and maybe even 16 members, and possibly both raiding the Big XII to do it. So, anyhoo, here's my plan for college football. The advantage of this plan is that EVERY conference gets at least 12 members, so everyone gets a championship game. That ought to end all of the realignment for good. So, here's my master plan:

ACC
Atlantic
Boston College
Clemson
Florida State
Maryland
NC State
Wake Forest

Coastal
Duke
Georgia Tech
Miami (FL)
North Carolina
Virginia
Virginia Tech


Big Ten
East
Michigan
Michigan State
Notre Dame
Ohio State
Penn State
Purdue

West
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Minnesota
Northwestern
Wisconsin

Big East
North
Connecticut
Cincinnati
Louisville
Pittsburgh
Rutgers
Syracuse

South
Florida Atlantic
Florida International
Marshall
UCF
USF
West Virginia


Big 12
North
Colorado
Iowa State
Kansas
Kansas State
Missouri
Nebraska

South
Baylor
Oklahoma
Oklahoma State
Texas
Texas A&M
Texas Tech

C-USA
East
Army
ECU
Memphis
MTSU
Navy
Temple

West
Louisiana Tech
Southern Miss
Troy
Tulane
UAB
Western Kentucky

MAC
East
Akron
Bowling Green
Buffalo
Kent State
Miami (OH)
Ohio

West
Ball State
Central Michigan
Eastern Michigan
Northern Illinois
Toledo
Western Michigan


Mountain West
South
North Texas
SMU
TCU
Tulsa
UL Lafayette
UL Monroe

North
Air Force
BYU
Colorado State
Utah
Utah State
Wyoming


Pac-10
North
Boise State
Idaho
Oregon
Oregon State
Washington
Washington State

South
Arizona
Arizona State
California
Stanford
UCLA
USC


SEC
East
Florida
Georgia
Kentucky
South Carolina
Tennessee
Vanderbilt


West
Alabama
Arkansas
Auburn
LSU
Mississippi
Mississippi State


WAC
East
Arkansas State
Houston
New Mexico
New Mexico State
Rice
UTEP

West
Fresno State
Hawaii
Nevada
San Diego State
San Jose State
UNLV

Here's what happened and why:
First, the ACC, Big 12, and SEC are entirely unchanged. Why not. Second, no more independents. Notre Dame in the Big Ten, as it should have always been. Natural rivalries and all that. The Big East raids the Sun Belt and C-USA for some Florida teams and Marshall, and has a whole bunch of decent natural rivalries. The I-4 rivalry, the Mountain State rivalry, the Miami-schools-nobody-knew-played-football rivalry. The MAC returns to roughly the old MAC (what was Temple doing there anyways). C-USA loses the Texas schools, picks up Army and Navy and some random other schools, again, good natural rivalries. UAB and Troy, MTSU and Memphis, Tulane and La Tech. The Pac-10 picks up a good school in Boise State, and gets Idaho as a drag along to keep that rivalry together (I also considered moving Nevada-Reno and UNLV). The remaining schools get divied up between the Mountain West and the WAC, again keeping natural rivals together. The nice deal is, every conference gets exactly 12 schools, no one needs to worry about anything. The Sun Belt doesn't exist anymore, but then again, did it really ever need to? 10 conferences, 120 schools, 12 in each. Lets do this!

Keller's List 3:TV shows I am watching right now

Well, not right this second. But these are the shows that are keeping my attention when I do watch TV. This is in no particular order.

That Metal Show on VH1 Classic: OK, so I'm not that big of a metal fan. I mean, I like some metal music, the more popular stuff, but this show is just really solid. Eddie Trunk is the best "average Joe" host out there. He's a real industry insider, knows everybody, but he's not a weirdo or junky or ex-musician or anything, just like an average family guy who happens to be one of the best rock journalists and DJs out there. The show is consistantly entertaining.

Good Eats on Food Network: Julia Child meets Mr. Wizard meets Monty Python. That was the one-line pitch host Alton Brown used to describe his idea for a weird cooking show. Over 10 years later it's still going strong, and still a great watch.

Pawn Stars on History Channel: This show is what happened when American Chopper fucked Antiques Roadshow. Literally. I shouldn't have to say anything more, if that doesn't interest you, nothing will.

Robot Chicken on Adult Swim: This show is basically made for geeky Gen-X males and no one else. And yet, it still stays on the air. For the record, I love lots of Adult Swim shows (ATHF, Metalocalypse, Venture Brothers) but this one is still my fave. As an insomniac geek with a sick sense of humor, this totally gets me. Frequently get yelled at by my wife for waking her up in the middle of the night when I go into uncontrollable laugh-stiffling seizures when watching this.

That's about it. I still don't watch any network TV; haven't found anything interesting on the 4 big networks for like, years. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

World record: Longest time between blog posts

So, where the hell have I been faithful readers? Lets review:

I had another baby
I did other stuff

That's about it. Oh, and as far as faithful readers go, I am pretty sure you number in the low 0s, so I am not sure having a fractional readership is possible. Still, I thought it might be interesting to get this started up again. I did enjoy writing during those two weeks back in August 2007 when this happened last time. A recent facebook post by an old college friend of mine got me thinking about firing up the blog again. So I said what the hell, and thought maybe it would be good to get back to writing. It really doesn't take that long. Anyhoo, if anyone is actually reading this, here's her blog:

http://www.adugansmiles.com

My political blog has also gone into disuse. Back in 2007, I was feeling much more political I guess. I wouldn't hold your breath for more there. Anyhoo, lets see how long this goes this time around.

Why 16 year old girls should not drive

So, I'm at the Food Lion, Li'l Keller is strapped in the back seat. I start backing out of my parking space. I feel a bump. Let me restate that. I feel a bump. No, that's not quite it either. I feel a _ . That's about it. I get out, there is an Acura Integra parked behind the Time Machine, and it looks like we both tried to back out at once. I think we were each moving at 1 mph. I look at my car. No damage. The hit might have knocked off some dirt. I look at the other car. 6-inch black mark, mostly along a bumper sticker. No big deal. The driver rolls down the window and looks out; it's this 16 year old girl. She's already on the cell phone. Hasn't even looked at her car yet, hasn't even spoken to me yet. After waiting through five minutes of sobbing, she gets out of the car. I have already had time to go back to my car, get the paper work and come back. She gets out, looks at the mark (and I use "mark" very lightly here, emphasis on the light) and the tears start again. She calls her mom again. More crying, through the sniffles I hear "gash" and "not my fault" and "police". My interest is piqued. Had I not had a dentist appointment in 30 minutes, I would have GLADLY waited for the police. The look on their faces would have been priceless. They would have laughed her out of the lot. Really. But I have places to go. I have things to do. And I am getting annoyed.

Discretion being the better part of valor, I avoid showing my annoyance, hoping to move the process along. I have my insurance card in my hand. She has a cell-phone and nothing else. Not sure what a cell phone is going to do to move the process along. Then she calls what I assume was her job, telling them she was going to be late, like an hour or so. An hour? For a 6 inch scuff mark on a bumper?

Five more minutes go by. Mom calls again. I hear " I don't know". She looks up at me and says "How old are you." I say "Thirty-one". She says, to the phone "Thirty-one". The phone is pushed in my face "My mom wants to talk to you."

"Hello?" I say
"Hello." Comes the response
"So, we had a little bump here" I say
"How bad is it?"
"Not bad at all" I say "No damage on my car. Looks like she knocked some dirt off my bumper, that's it. There's a black mark on her car. That's all I see."
"No damage on your car?" She asks
"None. There's a black scuff mark on her car though" I say.
"Does the black mark come off when you rub it?" she asks?
I rub at her bumper "Nope. It's a scratch" I say.
"How bad" she says again.
"6 inches, most of it is on a bumper sticker. Nothing else that I can see."
"Is it cracked?"
"Nope"
"Any other damage?"
"Nope"
"How did this happen?"
"We were parked behind one another, both backed out at the same time. We ended up in the same place at the same time. That's all"
"What do you want to do about this?"
"I have my insurance card right here. If there is any damage, we can let insurance handle it. But it doesn't look like there is anything to fix here. It's a black mark."
"Give the phone back to my daughter"
"Buh-bye"
"Bye"

The girl takes the phone, gets back in the car. More crying. After 5 more minutes, Li'l Keller is crying too. I want to cry. It sucks. I still have my paperwork in my hand. She has produced nothing yet. Finally, I see her rumaging around in the car. We have insurance papers! Yeah! I get a pen and paper; she has a pen and paper. We start to exchange info. She goes back in the car. More phone calls. More crying. After five MORE minutes, she comes back out with the info. We return everything back to each other. "Are we done" I say? "Um..." she says. Phone call to mom again. Back in the car. I wait some more. "Yeah..." she finally says "I guess we are done".

Parents, teach your children how to deal with adverse and stressful situations. Yes, when cars bump it can be stressful. But what should have been a five-minute transaction where we exchanged information... (actually what should have been a one-minute transaction where we looked at each others, shrugged, said "eh..." and went on our way) lasted over 40 minutes and made me miss my dental appointment. If you can't take any independant action on your own without calling your mother, you shouldn't be driving. Don't let this happen to your children...

Sick again

How does one get two separate colds in 2 weeks? I was sick. I get healthy again. I got sick again. This is just silly. This cold is worse than the last, because it is running me down. I feel like sleeping all day. It sucks.

Keller's List 2: Best Teen Angst songs

Los Angeles, X: LA punk band X writes song about how much their hometown sucks. Actually, it could be about how much EVERYONE'S hometown sucks.

Another Saturday Night, Sam Cooke: Pocket full of cash, and can't get laid. Story of my teenage years, really.

Longview, Green Day: See above. Got cash, can't get laid? Why not stay home, smoke some pot, and jerk off. That's pretty much this song in a nutshell.

Add it Up, Violent Femmes: Why can't I get just one kiss/screw/fuck? Is it just me, or is the source of teen angst the inability to get someone to touch your wiener? I mean really, if people got laid more, music would start to suck, wouldn't it?

Say it Ain't So, Weezer: Another reason for teen angst: your parents suck. (for the record, my parents are awesome. But this song still rules).